their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i drank out of a bidet.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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