There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
