I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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