I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
