you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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