i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
