Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Randomize
