Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
