so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize