Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
