This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
