I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am one with the molecules
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
