She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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