I have demons in me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
