Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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