I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
