A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
