he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
