i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize