She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
