we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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