I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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