So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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