Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
