I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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