What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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