I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize