you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
