why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
