Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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