Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize