And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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