Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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