Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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