OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
