You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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