Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
