my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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