"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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