gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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