i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
