Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
