is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
