The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
