I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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