dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she told me i tasted like america
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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