I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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