i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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