I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
