WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
