God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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