ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize