Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
