Tell her she can't have a vagina
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
