I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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