Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
