This is not my ceiling
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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