ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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