I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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