I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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