You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
