summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
