pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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