Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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