oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
