I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
