Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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