Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
