The maid of honor just puked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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