i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
