forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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