well I can't set my house on fire every night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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